There's an unspoken language between women with curly hair. An understanding about the struggle to find acceptance, self esteem, and the right hair products. As a curly girl myself, I know this journey all too well, and am usually the first to start a conversation about hair care. My hair smelled like dead fish for a week after trying a seaweed-based product. I spent most of my conscious younger years trying to hide my "triangle" problem. I've sworn by the same hair products for 10 years, and followed the same hair stylist through 3 different salons.
When I was an RA senior year of college, another RA in my dorm hosted an event to talk about black women's hair. She spoke of her own experience and societal pressures, and then other students chimed in and shared their experiences as well. I originally went solely to support her in hosting the event... but left feeling overwhelmed by inclusivity. I had no idea that other women felt this way. Just like me! None of my other close friends had curly hair like mine. I finally had a safe space that I never thought I needed. So many women venting about the pressures they've felt from beauty industries about having curly hair, and how it is seen as ugly and/or unprofessional. The desperate lengths we all have been going through to find not only the right products, but also the self esteem and confidence to feel comfortable with our natural hair. I participated often, and cheered on my fellow classmates.
I now reflect on this event and understand that it was not meant for me. There is a difference between white women with curly hair and black women with curly hair.
White women are praised for learning how to control their curls that so many straight-haired white women claim to desire. When we tame our frizz, we are complemented. But there are three problems with that statement -- the idea of needing to "tame", the lack of ingredient transparency in the products we deem a necessity, and how these issues are magnified tenfold for women of color.
The idea of needing to "tame" our hair in order to be considered beautiful is absurd. We shouldn’t need to hold it in, keep it modest, and be unseen. Hair is a part of you, it's an area for self expression! This feeling is felt by all women, in many ways that go past hair, but with curly hair it hits hard. So many images in the beauty industry are centered around women with straight hair. Even wavy hair would be better than curls. I am privileged to have a mom with curly hair who has dealt with so many trials before me, and was able to teach me how to take care of my hair by the time I left for college. She found the hair stylist, and the product, and the self esteem before me. So many women don’t have that roll model to guide them.
As for hair products, do you know what's inside yours? It is astounding to me that companies feel a need to highlight when they are paraben-free or sulfate-free. Two chemicals, of hundreds, that can eventually damage your hair and scalp, not to mention toxic if consumed, that are often found in the name-brand hair products for curly hair (along with other hair types as well). There are barely any regulations on what can and cannot go into hair products, and the ones that do exist are vague and not strongly enforced. Which is why it is so important to do your research, and if you have the financial means, spend a little more in order to support a company that focuses on their ingredients. The more we shift away from chemical name brands and focus on companies that are transparent about their ingredients (which usually correlates with truly natural, organic, and cruelty free products), the more that will need to be the norm and the name brand companies will need to change. You, as a consumer, have power with what you buy and where you buy.
But, it is important to remember that these feelings of not fitting in, of being unattractive, of ignoring the toxins in hair products, is felt exponentially more for women of color. There are entire books and movies discussing the importance of hair in black culture, and how white people respond to black hair is intrinsically tied to both conscious and subconscious racism. An example -- I can go to an interview feeling that I am professional and taken seriously with my hair "down", as in curly and not held back. So many women of color have shared with me how they feel as though industry will not accept them if they interview with natural hair, and feel the need to straighten it and "tame" it in order to be taken seriously. The conversation extends well past curly vs not curly, and also regards finding a hairstyle that is considered “acceptable” and "professional" aka part of white culture. Dreadlocks and braids, to name two, have a long history in black culture, and all need to be welcomed by industry. We need to shift our definition of "acceptable" and "professional" away from solely what is part of white culture.
To my fellow white curly girls -- remember that conversations about black hair are not necessarily for us. Although they feel familiar, they are not the same. And it's hard -- it is so tempting to say "wait yes, I understand!" but we don't understand. We can listen, we can work hard to advocate for different standards, and we can think about our own responses to black hair. We do have a unique degree of empathy, and this gives us a great opportunity to be engaging listeners. But at the end of the day, black curly hair experiences are different from our white curly hair experiences.
Some good resources to learn more:
Good Hair, a movie by Chris Rock (Description)
Natural Hair Styles in the Workplace, an article in The Washington Post by Jena McGregor (Link)
A Hair Piece: Perspectives on the Intersection of Race and Gender, an article in Duke Law Journal by Paulette M. Caldwell (Link)
What I want to emphasize is that this is a great example of "intersectionality". This term refers to how multiple angles of activism naturally overlap. Curly hair is an area where we need to do better in our conversations and activism around beauty standards, and racism, and our environmental footprint. They are all part of the puzzle.
If you are looking for recommendations for products that support this intersectionality, I've listed a few brands below that seriously think about the ingredients they use, the purpose of their products and company, and all happen to be run by non-white CEOs.
Curls -- POC oriented, variety of products for variety of ages (Shop here)
Oyin -- Hair, body, and specified men section, products focused around benefits of natural ingredients, with emphasis on honey ("oyin" is the Yoruba word for "honey") (Shop here)
Carol’s Daughter -- Changed the natural hair care industry in 1993, focusing on community and recipe transparency (Shop here)
Briogeo -- Transparent, diverse, drawing back to the basics of safe hair care (Shop here)
Alaffia -- Translating to a "state of peace", they focus on clean, sustainable ingredients and giving back to communities in the US and Africa through a variety of projects (Shop here)
Rahua -- Supporting indigenous tribes in the Amazon Rainforest and sustainable ingredient sourcing. I swear by their conditioner! (Shop here)
SheaMoisture -- Emphasis on giving back to underserved communities, honest about their ingredients and product sourcing (Shop here)
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